Ink & Shadows: The Words of Osiris j Reapor

A month has passed since you went on
Into that good, dark night.
And still I wake expecting you
Beside me in the light.

I dream you’re sleeping next to me,
Your breathing soft and slow.
My hand reaches across the sheets
Before my mind can know.

And for a moment, you’re still here.
The world is as before.
Then morning puts its hands on me,
And you’re not there anymore.

They told me grief would soften some,
That time would dull the pain.
But time has only taught my hands
How best to hold the weight.

I cry a little less these days.
I sleep a little more.
But that does not mean losing you
Hurts any less than before.

I’ve simply learned to hide it well,
To breathe when sorrow starts.
To carry on a conversation
While something breaks my heart.

But something else has changed in me,
Something I didn’t know.
You kept a quiet place in me
That left when you let go.

I’m quicker now to lose my calm,
More hardened than before.
The anger that you quieted
Comes knocking at my door.

Perhaps you knew what others didn’t.
Perhaps you always knew
How much of what was good in me
Was somehow safe with you.

You’d rest your head against my hand,
And all the noise would cease.
I never knew until you left
That you had been my peace.

My anchor wasn’t just a word.
You held me when I’d sway.
And when the worst of me came near,
You kept that beast at bay.

Now I am learning who I am
Without you at my side.
And some days I don’t like the man
Who’s standing here alive.

Because you went into that night,
And I remained behind.
Still searching empty rooms for you,
Still listening all the time.

I miss my child. I miss my friend.
I miss my doggie too.
I miss the man I used to be
When I still had you.

So if you took a piece of me
When you crossed beyond my view,
Keep it safe until I come,
Because it belongs with you.

And I’ll keep carrying this grief,
No matter what it costs.
For pain is only love that stayed
When everything else was lost.

A month has passed, my doggie.
I’m learning how to survive.
It doesn’t hurt any less.

I’ve just learned how to be alive.