Ink & Shadows: The Words of Osiris j Reapor

I asked for just one winter more,

One Christmas by my side.

One final walk through mountain snow,

Before our last goodbye.

 

I begged whatever God might hear

For a little more time with you.

But summer took my doggie away

Before the cold winds blew

 

And it fucking hurts.

 

It hurts in ways I can’t express,

A pain that I can’t fight.

I spend the daylight holding on,

Then cry throughout the night.

 

Your bowl still holds the food you left,

Your water waits there too.

I cannot bring myself to move

What still belongs to you.

 

I thought I felt your breath again,

So close beside my bed.

I reached for you without a thought,

Then remembered you were dead.

 

And something broke inside again,

The same place as before.

I cried your name into the dark

And stared at that empty door.

 

You were my anchor, Apollo,

When I was lost at sea.

And now I’m drowning here without

The one who anchored me.

 

When faith became an empty word,

And hope had left me too,

I always had one reason left

To make it home to you.

 

You never asked me to explain.

You never needed why.

You’d lay your head against my hand,

And quietly stay nearby.

 

I’m angry that you’re gone from me.

I’m angry life moves on.

The morning comes, the people laugh,

I hate it all because your gone.

 

They say someday this pain will fade.

I don’t want that to be true.

Because even this unbearable hurt

Is something left of you.

 

How do I wake tomorrow

And know you won’t be there

How do I call a house a home

Without your fur everywhere?

 

And if there is a somewhere else,

Beyond what I can see,

Find the mountains and the snow

And, please, wait there for me.

 

I don’t know how to say goodbye.

So I won’t pretend I’ll try.

I’ll only say what you already knew

Each time you met my eyes.

 

I love you, Apollo.

I love you, my doggie.

I’ll love you when the mountains fade,

When every sea runs dry.

I’ll love you, my doggie,

More than all the stars in the sky.